June 23, 2025
Can Kids Choose Who They Live With?
When parents go through a separation or divorce, one of the most emotional and difficult issues to work through is where the children will live. Many parents wonder whether their child can decide who they want to live with—and at what age their preference starts to matter in court. While each case is unique and different and the answer to this question, typically, a child’s voice can be heard but this is not always a deciding factor or one at all. Our friends at GordenLaw, LLC discuss how family courts weigh a child’s input in custody cases and what parents should expect if this becomes part of their legal situation.
Age Matters But Does Not Decide Everything
One common belief is that once a child reaches a certain age, they can choose which parent to live with. While age can influence how much weight a court gives to a child’s preference, no specific age guarantees that the court will follow the child’s wishes.
Generally, judges may consider a child’s opinion more seriously once they reach around 12 or 13 years old. However, the court’s main concern is always what living arrangement is in the child’s best interest. If a child wants to live with one parent simply because that parent has fewer rules or offers more freedom, a judge may not give that reason much weight whereas, if a child does not feel safe and cared for with a parent and the judge has reason to believe that the child’s concerns are based on an unfortunate reality, they will likely give the child’s opinion and feelings more weight.
The Court’s Focus On Best Interests
Courts are careful when it comes to child custody decisions. They look at several factors to decide what arrangement will support the child’s safety, emotional well-being, and long-term development.
These factors may include:
- The child’s relationship with each parent
- The ability of each parent to meet the child’s needs
- Stability and consistency in each home
- Each parent’s willingness to support the other’s role
- Any history of abuse, neglect, or substance use
A child’s preference is one piece of the puzzle, but it is rarely the only piece that matters.
How A Child’s Preference Is Shared
Typically, the courts try to protect children from having to testify in open court. Instead, their thoughts and feelings are often shared through a child representative, guardian ad litem, or through interviews with the judge in private (called in-camera interviews). This helps reduce stress for the child and keeps them out of direct conflict between parents.
If the child is mature and able to explain their reasons clearly, those reasons may carry more influence. Still, the court will evaluate those reasons carefully to make sure they are based on the child’s well-being—not just short-term desires.
Working With Legal Support
While parents may have different opinions about what’s best for their child, working with a legal professional can help them understand how the court is likely to view their case. A family lawyer can explain how local laws apply, help prepare for custody hearings, and represent a parent’s position while keeping the child’s needs at the center of the conversation.
During child custody cases, it’s important for both parents to listen—to their children, to their attorneys, and to the court. Even if a child expresses a preference, both parents should try to remain supportive and avoid putting the child in the middle.
Although children don’t always have the final say in where they live, their voice matters. When handled with care and attention, it can become a helpful part of creating a stable, healthy custody arrangement.